It has been noted more than once, but I have the face for radio. Except for May, when the unsuspecting viewing public of Marbella and then nationwide in the UK were treated to my bald and bearded features on their TV scenes.
When I was unsuccessfully studying to be an actor I went to a drama workshop conducted by a seasoned professional. “One of the things about being a working actor”, he told the budding Malkovich, hanging on his every thespian utterance “it that you get the good roles later in life, not through talent, but for still being there”.
This also applies to my recent appearances on the ‘idiots’ lantern’. I have been coming to Marbella for over 40 years, and moved here full time in 1985, so now qualify as an ‘expert’ on the ins and outs of life here.
My first stint came on my friend Nicole’s programme on Marbella TV. I have known her since our days working in Marbella’s biggest disco in the 80s, ‘Ipanema Palace’ – during the summer that ‘Sledgehammer’, ‘Easy Lover’ and ‘Money for Nothing’ were dancefloor fillers. Nicole introduced me as ‘Mr Marbella’. I was quick to point out that this was obviously not a bodybuilding award.
The second show was for a Channel 5 series ‘Playgrounds of the Rich and Famous’ that wanted to feature Marbella. ‘More like lifestyles of the Bald and Useless’ one of my friends snorted when he found out. We shot the programme over four days in the Puente Romano, Old Town and La Zagaletta and had a written agreement from the director that it was not going to be another ‘Costa del Marbessexgangsta’ extravaganza.
Filming took place in July and then I heard nothing more about the episode, apart from that it has been moved from its original October slot.
Being the good boy that I am, I went to bed early on Sunday night – unaware that the show would be broadcast that evening. Groggily turning on my mobile on Monday, however, my mobile vibrated so much with messages that I thought that it might take off. Friends from the UK texted wondering what I was doing on their screens, and had they used CGI to make me look vaguely presentable.
The programme did a good job of sending a positive image of Marbella out and the town looked stunning as it always does on film.
You’ll be pleased to know that my newly found celebrity hasn’t turned me into a complete diva, although I am obviously pleased that the long suffering Olive Press editor has taken on board my demands for fresh Egyptian cotton sheets, my own luxury trailer and bowls of M&Ms (with the green ones taken out) a la Mariah Carey, before I start writing my column…